Hoochie Factor Recalibrated, Scientists Baffled
DIMLY LIT LABORATORY - Scientists had theorized about the Hoochie Factor value (kilo-Hoochies) of Sugar for quite a while. Some preliminary evidence of hair flicking and dancing without regard to current partner in favor of general dancing to the rest of the bar was noted. At that point in time, scientists could only extrapolate upon this small data set. "It seems the subject transmorgafies into an altered state of Hoochie - dancing in seemingly choreographed smiles and rear-end shaking" However, the subject denies any accusations of slutty behavior coupled to the altered state. Also, subject has admitted to going to a very expensive basement bar "just to dance and have a good time" Other statements included "the guys there are weird, cheesy, and undesirable - I don’t care for the guys there."

New data has shattered previous theoretical models by several orders of magnitude. The Hoochie Factor measurements are now presented in MH (Mega-Hoochies). The far-fetched fringe theories of Hoochie-borderline-slutty were validated with "look-at-me-I-am-shaking-my-butt-to-this-song-for-you" moves and "hi my name is _____" to tonsil exploration in under a 20 minute period – so fast, several instruments will need to be recalibrated for future use. The Hoochie measurements were remarkably strong considering the dumpy-looking, chain-smoking, JCPenny-shirt-tucked-in, beer-bellied, dorky-hair focus of the attention was not paying much reciprocal attention. Also, the new data thoroughly explains how the self-proclaimed broke hoochie can afford $10 “well” drinks to the wee hours of the night. Scientists are scrambling to reconcile the gigantic Hoochieness with subject's accusations that her friends are ones that are slutty - in fact all Chicagoans are slutty. Meanwhile in an environment of about 100, the test subject was far and away the data outlier.

- Doobs was 100% Correct @ 10:43 AM